Today I decided what better way to embarass myself, but to write a blog. Not sure how much or how little I'll contribute to this, but I imagine it will depend mostly on my threshold of humiliation. See no matter where I start with either a conversation or a facebook post or any other form of communication I end up outing myself as a total goofball. Not something I intentionally try to do, but tends to happen nevertheless. I would love to be able to say that I'm not the only one who has this magical gift, but 33 years in I still have not met them. Literally every person I've ever met has their head more squarely attached to their shoulders than I do. I honestly get nervous when standing in open fields because I'm afraid my head will float away without a tree branch in sight for it to get snagged on.
Example:
Last week at work I was sitting at my desk typing away when I decided to blow my nose. I reached over and pulled a visibly white kleenex from the box and went at it. I tossed the kleenex away and went about my work as usual. A couple of hours later I had the itch again and grabbed another kleenex. Only this time the kleenex in question was some sort of tannish, peach color. Clearly this was not from the box I had just used two hours before so I was pretty confident that someone was fooling around with my lack of mental capacity and switched boxes with me, knowing full well that I would believe that I was losing my mind and the clown show of the day would commence. Or was it in fact the box that I had drawn kleenex out of for the last three months and I just never really noticed that it was anything but the standard kleenex color of white? I looked in the bin to check my discarded one from before, but alas I was foiled by the diligence and hard work ethic of our janitor and it had already been tossed out.
What started out as a quiet cubicle to cubicle inquiry of "Did you see someone messing with my kleenex?" quickly escalated to "ALRIGHT WHO'S SCREWING AROUND WITH ME?" announced through the entire office floor and continued on with a "AM I TOTALLY LOSING MY MIND HERE?"
After a fractic few minutes and me beginning to crawl under the desk, curl into a ball and wait on the men in white coats to come I received an answer.
"Patrick," the secretary calmly got my attention, "the last five kleenex in a box is always a different color so that you'll know to get a new box."
That's just wrong on an entirely awful level. Why would the brainiacs making kleenex decide that their informative different color kleenex was to be a tannish peach? It's not exactly a noticeably different color from white to begin with. I mean something like that leads people like myself, who don't have whole heap of alot of sanity left, to lose the little that they have over a kleenex - a friggin kleenex. Is that what you want kleenex? A bunch of crazed idiots running around with boxes of kleenex in their hands screaming, "Why am I losing my mind? It was white a second ago. I turned my back for literally a second and now it's tan - TAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!"
Please kleenex people, in the future, if you want to make it obvious that it's time to get a new box make it more obvious. Maybe plaid would be a good color or have printed on the actual kleenex something like "This is your fifth from last kleenex" or "Only A Couple Left". Those are both good examples of decent indicators. Not going from white to a somewhat tan "Could it still be white or is it just because I've been staring at a computer screen all day" color.
Like I said I have a tendency to embarass myself in spectacular fashion. But if my pain is your gain then so be it. At least you'll know that no matter how humiliating a situation may be there's always me to top you in just about every way.
All the Best
Quick note: If you're easily insulted by lack of proper grammar, punctuation or sometimes the occasional spelling mishap or your an english teacher, then you might want to steer clear of reading any of this. I literally throw this junk from my brain on a whim and really don't put alot of effort into cleanup.
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